Why do I love you?
by the yellow canary
Summary: Severus Snape thinks about his hate and love for Lily Evans; a freeverse poem for Severus/Lily. Warning: adult language and rape


Why do I love you? 

_Severus Snape thinks about his hate and love for Lily Evans; a freeverse poem for Severus/Lily. Warning: adult language and rape_

_For the Freeverse Promote Challenge - again - but this time for the prompt 'I hate you, why do I love you?' and focusing on Severus Snape_

(*)

From the first moment they met

He knew that she was something _special_

And not just special for having powers where her sister did not

(Isn't magic a **wonderful **thing?)

Severus knew that this red haired girl with the **stunning eyes** and frightening temper and _love of flying off swings_

Was too g/r/e/a/t for this world

(*)

When they're eleven the Hat sorts them in different Houses

- **GRYFFINDOR**! _SLYTHERIN_! -

And Lily insists that nothing will change

But Severus knows that her mind will be poisoned by those Lions

And she'll come to hate Snakes like him

(*)

It takes her five years and a /shattering/ second to realise that maybe

Just maybe

Those Lions were right about those Snakes

(*)

Lily _hates _Severus

Severus **loves **Lily

That's how they have become and he's given up following her around and begging for forgiveness

(Whatever happened to _"Best friends forever, Sev!"_?)

And he focuses on Dark Magic and _blood purity_ and the **Dark Lord**

And Lily focuses on James Potter, _James Potter_ and **James Potter**

(*)

Severus thought that Lily would one day forgive him

It was a _brilliant _dream

But a dream, none the less

And if turns into a nightmare when Lily walks down the aisle

Past him

And into the waiting arms of **James Potter**

Even though he's polyjuiced into a muggle

He will swear until his last breath that the _smug _grin on Potter's face was directed at **him**

(*)

_He convinces himself he doesn't love her_

Why would you want the fiery red headed **mudblood**

When you could have the calm dark haired Pureblood?

So he fucks and kisses and hugs the Pureblood who loved him

In a way he never would be able to do with Lily

_It takes him ten minutes before he apologises to his memory of her _

And he pretends the Witch underneath him has red hair and green eyes and is _groaning _his name with love

(But he knows in the back of his mind that it's **Potter's name **that comes out that way)

(*)

His fiancee dies by the hands of Mad-Eye Moody

And Severus doesn't care

Because she's **not Lily**

(*)

The Dark Lord has taken to keeping muggles for _amusement _in the cellar of Malfoy Manor

And the Death Eater's enjoy having some sort of amusement

Severus is disgusted until he sees a woman with a _lean _frame and sharp features and those **fucking **green eyes

The hair is the only thing missing

But he ignores that and tells Avery to give her to him

And he takes the shaking woman into a bedroom deep in the Manir

And charms the hair **red**

And fucks the muggle until she gives up screaming

She's still crying but Severus tells himself it's with pleasure and eventually finishes with a moan of _her _name

(*)

They have a son.

_Potter _has a **son**.

**Lily **has a _son_.

_Potter _fucked **Lily**.

**Lily **fucked _Potter_.

Lucius finds his friend another muggle

(*)

This war has been happening for years and he sometimes hates the mark on his arm

Almost as much as he **hates **Lily

He looks in the mirror sometimes and hears the teasing voices of the Marauders from their school days

Murderer

_Rapist _

/Sick bastard/

Every single thing is **true**

And Lily was the one who drove him to this

(*)

They name him Harry

Severus bets he has her eyes

(*)

Eighteen months later, he finds himself in front of Dumbledore

Begging for help

Because they are _going _to die

_**She**___is going to die

And Dumbledore looks at him with those knowing blue eyes

And every murder and _rape _and **torture **runs through his mind and he weeps with regret

_Forgive me, Lily_

(*)

He doesn't hate her.

How could anyone hate someone as **perfect **as Lily?

(*)

When she dies, he tries to kill himself

(*)

Multiple times

(*)

It almost worked _once_

(*)

He didn't try again after he promised to protect her son

(*)

_Sometimes_, Severus hates Lily for everything she made him do.

Mainly, he hates her for dying

For **leaving **him

(*)

Severus loves Lily

**Always**

(*)

_I hate you, Lily Evans, so why do I love you?_

He'll _never _have an answer

But he'll **never **stop


End file.
